Wed, 24 August 2016
Weird, sad and true: One of the most popular WealthySingleMommy posts of all time is this one: You are stupid if you do your own laundry.
I summary, the post says:
But read the comments on You are stupid if you do your own laundry.
People are SO OFFENDED by this notion! Some gems:
Okie dokie! Have a listen to this episode of Like a Mother for more on this (surprisingly) contemptuous topic! Dirty socks and tank tops!
Wed, 17 August 2016
I'm very proud to partner with LegalZoom to create this episode of Like a Mother. So many followers have asked me about wills and trusts, which are such an important part of finances and life. Astonishingly, 55 percent of Americans don't have a will. LegalZoom is offering Like a Mother listeners $10 off their already discounted prices for estate planning products. Just head to this link for wills, trusts, and other estate planning products, and enter Emma10 promo code.
In this episode, LegalZoom's Laura Goldberg joins me to answer listeners' questions about:
Have a listen, and head to LegalZoom's estate planning tools to take advantage of this limited-time $10 discount for Like a Mother listeners. Remember to enter promo code Emma10.
Then, share your experience: Did someone in your life pass away without a will? How did that affect their loved ones? Or, did a properly-executed will save a family heartache, expense, and time? Share in the comments below!
Wed, 10 August 2016
Cindy Gallup wants you to be a great lover.
The former longtime Bartle Bogle Hegarty ad exec, advocate for women in business, and now sex education entrepreneur, took the world by storm in 2009 with her TED talk, in which she launched her digital sex education site, MakeLoveNotPorn.com. In that talk, Gallup explained that she realized through sleeping with many younger men, the power that porn has on sex education, and how this education sorely misses in the realities and beauty of human sexuality.
MLNP is not a porn site, Gallup will have you know. While porn — created by and for an almost exclusively male audience — is the fantasy about what sex is, MLNP is in fact real people having real sex, she explains. Each MLNP video has context, just like in real life. Examples are the pregnant woman telling the audience she created a sexy video for her husband, the young travelers who met in South Africa and enjoy each other in their wobbly caravan, or the female friends who, they admit to the camera, sometimes hook up.
In this episode of Like A Mother, Cindy Gallup and I discuss:
Fri, 5 August 2016
A few years ago I wrote this post: Why single parents should put kids second when dating. It is by far one of the most trafficked posts on WealthySingleMommy, and one of the most polarizing. And the more I read and write on the topic of single moms and dating, the stronger my stance: In a serious relationship, your romantic partner comes first.
I meet most men that I date online. It's very common for guys with kids to write in their OKCupid profiles: "My kids come first," or "My daughter is the center of my world!"
I get where you're coming from. You want a potential mate to know that your life includes the giant presence of a kid or four. You also want women to know you're a devoted dad (it's no secret chicks get hot for guys who are great with kids!). Got it. Roger!
But I bristle at those lines. When it comes to relationships, I'm fond of saying, You never really knows what goes on between people. But there are a few couples in my life who I look to as models of the kind of marriage I'd like one day. People who really enjoy each other. Respect and support one another. And in these families, the parents put their relationship before the kids. They are the dynamic centriforce around which the family's life orbits. And everyone thrives as a result.
Fri, 29 July 2016
Fri, 22 July 2016
In this episode, I examine — and CRITICIZE — the oft-delivered, always patronizing insistence from sanctimonious married people to single moms: "Don't worry honey/sweetie/whore/doll. You'll find someone." [cue frown emoticon]
Say what?! Sure, lots of single moms really want to get married (for the first time, or again), and that is great. But the notion that anyone would presume that their romantic status is the end-goal for everyone is not only arrogant and rude, it is preposterous. Especially considering the sorry, outdated state of matrimony today.
In this episode I share some handy facts for supporting any notion you may have that you never, ever, EVER in a zillion years want to get married again (mainly, marriage is increasingly unpopular, divorce as popular as ever. You do the math). I also share dozens of my followers' own awesome, hilarious and erudite responses THEY use when handed the supercilious insistence that their own perfect, ever-after mate is right around the corner.
Have a listen. You know this ticked you off. Also, maybe you indadvertedly ticked off all kinds of single people with your on patronizing. We forgive you. Listen anyway!
One-in-five adults ages 25 and older have never married, up from 9 percent in 1960, while just 51 percent of adults ages 18 and older are married — marking record lows
Direct download: LikeaMother_Article17_YoullFindSomeone_mixdown.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:59pm EDT
Thu, 14 July 2016
Since her first appearance was such a wild success, my lovely, irreverent daughter Helena is back! In this episode we discuss:
Please listen. Don't you think this kid needs her own show?? Until we sort that out, expert her back soon.
Fri, 8 July 2016
I keep hearing the same story again and again from professionally successful women. Variations on:
"My grandma told me: 'Always have your own money.'"
It could be a mother, aunt, neighbor, Girl Scout leader, teacher, cousin, mentor or favorite coach.
The bottom line: An older, respected woman looked her straight in the eye, and in her own but direct way said:
Do not ever depend on a man financially.
Money is power, and never, ever give up that power.
You are powerful. Never chose to give up that power.
You are responsible for your own life.
You are not a victim.
I believe in you.
Many of the women who tell me these stories are in their 40s, 50s and older, and their champions were women of a generation or two more senior than that. This is important because it is clear that women found ways to be financially independent — whether through work, or even squirreling away cash in their own name or shoebox in the back of a closet — even if they had but a fraction of the economic and career opportunity you and I enjoy.
They got it. And they made sure that the women who came after them got it, too.
Somehow, we have not collectively gotten it. By 'it,' I mean the giant, enormous pressure for women to be stay-at-home moms and abandon their financial power, and therefor, their autonomy as adults.
There is a lot of pressure on women to forsake their economic power en lieu of family. Pew found that an astonishing 40 percent of Americans believe that children suffer when their mother works outside of the home. And study after study finds that the 21% gender paygap is a result not of rich white men in C-suits keeping competent women down, but rather women choosing to compromise their careers to care for loved ones. This pressure is so great that women who actually earn a living, falsely label themselves "stay-at-home moms." A recent project between my friend time management expert Laura Vanderkam and Redbook magazine found that 62% of described stay-at-home moms contributed to their household income, including 25% who run businesses. I know a blogger who earns $80,000 per year and calls herself a stay-at-home mom — a disconnect that is both common destructive, since it perpetuates the economically oppressive pressure to abandon our livelihoods and lives for our children and husbands.
Meanwhile, all research confirms: It makes zero difference how much time a parent spends with a kid after age 2, and the greatest indicators of a child's future wellbeing is her mother's education and income level. Let us not forget: Working mothers are far less prone to depression and anxiety, and divorce rates are 50% higher for families in which one spouse does not work.
In other words: We glamorize stay-at-home moms, when science proves again and again that everyone is happier, healthier and more financially secure when both parents work.
After all: Divorce rates have been more or less steady at 50% for 40 years. The other 50% of couples? Unemployment, disability, death and other catastrophes mean a one-career family is a precarious financially agreement indeed.
So this is what you will do to make sure we break this cycle of women sabotaging their own wellbeing, and that of their children, marriage and for women and society overall:
You will identify a girl. Maybe it is your daughter, or granddaughter. Niece, student, mentee or neighbor. She might be 6 or 16 or a young woman of 26. You will tell her with zero nuance or caveat:
Always have your own money.
Never give up your ability to earn.
You are not an adult if you chose to be financailly dependent on another person.
In my research, I have found it only takes telling a young person this critical message one time. The message taps into such a primal, visceral need for freedom, power and independence, even very young girls understand it intuitively.
But do not tell her just one time. Tell her again and again. Like you make sure your child knows to be kind, and say thank you and not to chew with her mouth open. Just as you make sure that young people know how to swim and must eat vegetables, this is a non-negotiable.
Because when a child is raised to reap the magnificent bounty that is the education, professional, political and financial equality that women in this country in 2016 enjoy, and understand that she will never, ever chart her own course in this world until she embraces it as her duty to exercise it in its fullest, you set her on a certain course. On the right course. It is a course that affects every single vertical of her life:
The choices she makes in where she attends college, and how she will pay for it (because when you are wise about your education and related finances, and do not assume that a man will take care of you and your debt eventually, you make better choices).
The career path she pursues.
The relationships she forges with friends and colleagues (because these are the spine of her entire life).
The money she does and does not spend on fun.
The money she does and does not invest.
The partner she selects (or rejects).
The children she choses to have (or not).
The way she sees herself in the world, the value she brings to her partner, her children, friends, and the world around her.
By saying: "Always have your own money," to a girl you are saying:
"You are powerful. And I believe that you will never, ever give up that power."
She gets it. She will thank you. And women everywhere, forever, will thank you.
Did an older woman inspire you to always have your own money? Share your important story in the comments.
Direct download: LikeaMother_Article15_HaveYourOwnMoney_mixdown.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:25am EDT
Tue, 28 June 2016
This is my mission statement for this platform, myself, and for single moms everywhere:
I will set big, giant scary goals for myself and family, regardless of what my family looks like, or what other people think I am capable of.
I appreciate every single day that I live in a time of unprecedented wealth and opportunity for women, and it is my duty to achieve both to honor the people who fought for me to have these opportunities, as well as for those who come after me.
I accept responsibility for my own financial well being.
I might not have it all figured out right now, but I am taking steps to be debt free, financially independent, and with a financial plan for the future.
I will never chose to under-earn in order to maximize receipt of child support, alimony or public benefits.
I will never under-earn to minimize paying child support or alimony.
I will take steps to minimize working mom guilt, instead deferring to extensive research that finds that after age 3, the number of hours moms spend with their kids does not impact their development, and actively thwart peer pressure that assumes that the stay-at-home mom is the better mom, because all science finds to the contrary.
I will take big and calculated (and some not-so-calculated) risk. Because that is the only way to grow and change — financially, professionally and personally.
I will seek without guilt or shame work that is exciting, creative and fulfilling.
I will never minimize my professional success — in actuality or perception — in order to appear attractive to men.
I relish that I am role model of earning and professional success for my children. Also, for other women and moms.
I give back. Even — especially — when I feel like I don’t have any more to give, I remember that I can give to others, and that gives me strength.
I accept help. I’m just one woman, I am vulnerable, and I can’t do everything on my own (that would be insane).
I will stumble, fail, eff stuff up in the worst way. Then get back up and go for it again.
I’m never, ever, ever, ever, ever entitled. Ever!
I am capable of so, so much more than I limit myself to. I open myself up to the amazing and impossible.
Tue, 21 June 2016
Of course it's never 'just sex.' But sometimes, a relationship based on little more than sexual chemistry is a fantastic way to get in touch with your femininity, your sexual identity, and get your groove back — especially after a long hiatus or long-term relationship.
In the absence of potential emotional or relationship entanglement, you can focus on JUST THE SEX. You learn what makes you hot, what turns you on, what you need in bed without all the complications of a relationship (because, let's face it: relationships can kill your mojo).
So: Without shame or guilt, go for that hottie who you know you'll never fall in love with. Hook up with the guy who your family and friends will never meet. Enjoy. Indulge. Learn.
Then take those lessons to your next relationship.